Pillow Toss By Sue V. Florida

In my very early Al-Anon days I had a lot of trouble with perfectionism. I still do at times, but now I know that I’m striving for progress, not perfection. My husband, who brought this character defect to light for me, is a recovering alcoholic. We got back together after several years of divorce. We have worked very hard on communicating with each other, instead of stuffing our feelings.

As I was getting ready for work one morning, I was in my usual rush—but I knew I couldn’t leave the house with my bed unmade. Since I was in such a rush, my husband offered to help me make the bed. I accepted his help, but my mind kept telling me, "He doesn’t do it right, especially when it comes to placing the toss pillows correctly."

My husband was working on his side of the bed when I left the bedroom. When I came back into the room, I noticed the toss pillows were not the way I liked them. I immediately rearranged them to my satisfaction. I stepped into the bathroom and when I came out, there were all of the toss pillows lined up along the foot of the bed.

I stopped in my tracks, looked at the pillows, and immediately started laughing. My husband peeked around the comer and smiled. I knew at that moment he was trying to help me understand that my old perfectionism was showing, but he never said a word.

I still remember this situation whenever my perfectionism tries to make a comeback. Yes, I left the pillows alone—and today I don’t relegate someone else’s kindness to second place behind my old character defect. I keep coming back to Al-Anon to remind me that my focus needs to be on myself and not on what someone else is or isn’t doing.

Edmonton Al-Anon Information Service P.O. Box 1375 Edmonton, Alberta, T5J 2N2 (780) 433-1818 (24 hours)

Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Virginia Beach, VA.