Loving Words By Bill D., Georgia

I was in the program for two years before I got a sponsor. During that time, I often felt guilty for not having one. In weekly meetings, I would hear others say, "My sponsor made me do this," or "My sponsor made me do that." What did I need that for? I didn't need anyone telling me what to do. I had an alcoholic doing that, already.

At one meeting I found myself listening to someone sharing his dilemma. He led the discussion and talked about why he had not yet found a sponsor. He said he didn't want someone telling him what to do and he didn't want to have to call someone every day. As I listened, I realized he was talking about me, too. As he continued sharing, he read the December 28 passage about sponsorship from Courage to Change. It contained one sentence that I will always remember: "Someone who demonstrates unconditional love and still takes care of his or her own needs and who offers support without telling me what to do can be a wonderful role model." As I listened to the passage, I closed my eyes and saw the tired, bearded face of a wonderful man who called me this week. Although a regular member of our group, he wasn't at this particrular meeting, but I felt his presence just the same. Yesterday he had called, simply leaving a thoughtful message on my answering machine. His loving words greeted me when I came home from a long day at work, saying he was thinking of me and remembering me in his prayers. As I thought about this oldtimer, I realized that over the past few weeks he had called my home on several occasions, just when I needed it the most. He never told me what to do or what to say. He simply called and left messages of "Peace" and "Have a good day," or "Keep coming to meetings." One day he even fared me a prayer.

As I continued thinking about these wonderful acts of love, I decided during the meeting that I would call him before the week ended. When I called him, I told him I had been to a meeting on sponsorship. I read him the passage from Courage to Change and told him that I didn't want anyone telling me what to do. I thanked him for what he had done and told him that I just wanted him to keep doing what he was already doing. I asked if he would be my sponsor without telling me what to do. When he laughed and then thoughtfully replied that he would be my sponsor, I realized that I never really found a sponsor. My sponsor found me.

I adopted my sponsor's method of making phone calls. Instead of waiting until I am walking through the valley of the shadow of death, I often call others when I'm feeling my best. I'11 think of someone to whom I can make a short call, just to let them know that they are in my thoughts. Sometimes I'Il leave a short message of experience, strength and hope.

Edmonton Al-Anon Information Service P.O. Box 1375 Edmonton, Alberta, T5J 2N2 (780) 433-1818 (24 hours)

Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. Virginia Beach, VA.